Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh My life is ups and downs

Hello there...
My life is always ups and downs..
Ups and downs as i see them.. others may tell differently....
Its been like that in all aspects of life
take for eg. my entrance and board results- i was unfortunate enough to get all the bad results first.... or maybe they weren't but the first one i got was BITSAT- i got a mark way below than wat others who where with me in my classes had got... the mark was not good enuff for a good group even in goa...
with that my dreams of a good college started collapsing. cos i thought the rest of the results are also gonna be hopeless like this so wat am i going to do then?
moreover at home my father started of one of his pessismistic routines... saying i have missed the chances in life... i have to struggle harder and those who were with me will be flying high and all that crap....
even being complacement as i was, did no good... i was feeling hopeless... cos my father clearly stated that there will be no payment seats(coming soon- state of education in tn) so then wat will i do? will i even get a engineering degree?wats gonna happen to me? Am i going to be one of the million engineers who struggle to find a good job? Cant i get out of the rat race?MAybe i was wrong the whole time. maybe i thought too much abt myself
It was at this point that i hit an all time low...
If it was not for one person at that time, if i dint have that one person.. then I dont know wat i wud have done.....

then board results came... chem was a let down.. tnpcee was washed out with that... then thankfully aieee results came out the very next day
or i wud have had a tuff time... aieee was good results. got a good state rank.. good enough for compooter at NITT... whew! wat a relief! we are now going up the incline.... enjoyed my days for a while had a nice time...peace of mind! then came IIT results and amazingly I had managed a rank- a little less than 4000.. not much but still a JEE rank! wow! as it proved later on this will become the cause of more confusion later on... but anyway i was jolly... happy... bliss like days
tnpcee resutls went and came- was not at all bothered

then now councelling is approaching, i hit a wall again- hmm... i need to choose a branch and college... NIT is good i think.. but then the more i got to know abt it.. the less appealing it sounds
5 in a hostel room imagine that!! 5! omg that is so irritating...
then there is bachelor of design at IIT guwhati
the course is differnt than engineering has a lot of scope for creative work..kinda nice for me.
but wat job will i get afterwards i dont know
the guwhati campus is amazing- single room with balcony view, midst mountains there is scope for outdoor activites like trekking and climbing, great climate, great faculty everything better than NIT but i dont get cs there i get only Bdes. wat will I do afterwards? after Doing it if i cant find a job then im gone.. but the tag name IIT carries a lot of value.. i may be able to change my stream after first year or i dont know.... its frustrating kinda risky.... dont know if ican go ahead with it....
i need a job. a high paying and steady one.. only then i can say im ready for somethings later on...
so shud i go with the cs at NIT and forget abt IIT campus... Stuck inside with 5 in a room and not so good faculty.. oh boy wat do i do...

man now i dont like anything.. i dont like any of my choices!!!I dont want this! wat the hell!
there is a third option retry IIT next, year but i feel im too lazy for that. but if i study well i might get a good rank... wat do i do???Im on a down again
aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh this is killing me!!